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Further down the spiral

Yes, I'm back with a vengeance. I have a lot of feelings to blog out and a whole new era of what the fuck even is this bullshit to negotiate. So there will be a bit of a wave of posts.

My mother came over to visit today. When she initially suggested that, I made dithering awkward noises and then decided to come clean and explain that I wasn't really home to visitors because of the frankly squalid state of my home. The upshot of all this was that my septuagenarian mother came over and cleaned my kitchen for me while I dithered around the edges. The extremely minor picking up and single load of laundry I did was enough to leave me shaky and vague with sheer fatigue. Just to re-iterate, minor housework and lunch with my mother destroyed me. So yeah, I'm not just a bit slow and tired, I'm at the stage of basically not being able to look after myself anymore and my elderly mother can run rings around me. I do not feel like a grownup anymore. This is apparently my new reality and I genuinely have no idea how I'm going to make it work.