sacredchao (sacred_chao) wrote,

  • Mood:

I am

Today I told those with whom I work most closely my name.
I outlined briefly why the old name is gone.

Before I left work at the end of my shift I donned the bra I bought experimentally and which takes my breasts from barely there to definitely there.
I walked out of the building with my definite breasts and my studs in my ears and my coat with its feminine cut and my weight shifting at my hips.
I don't for one second think I looked like a woman but I don't think I looked like a man either.

I caught the train out to Brunswick.
I wandered Sydney Rd and bought excellent falafel for dinner.
I danced with friends and with strangers who would not care about the dissonances of my body nor how I carried it.
I caught the train home.

I cried walking home from the station.
I cried with a little pride and happiness.
I cried with a little fear and confusion.
I cried with the oestrogen that floods my body and changes me and makes me a little crazy.

I reclaimed myself a little today.
I am a little more whole.
I'm still crying and I'm not sure why.

Oh but I will be me and I will be mine and I will make myself as I see fit.
Tags: transgender
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